Top 10 with Gordon and Sapphire
Top 10 with Gordon and Sapphire is a fan-made episode written by Rigsrigsrigs10918, Disneydude15, CartoonLover, and Magic-is-cute. Premise Gordon and Sapphire do top 10 lists of movies they've seen as the others act out scenes from the movies, including Top 10 Theme Songs and Top 10 Dumbest Captain Canine moments. Plot Part One (At the printing room, Sapphire and Gordon are looking over a list.) Sapphire: So, Gordy, what do you think? Gordon: Very good. I think we're ready. Sapphire: Oh! I'm so excited, I got butterflies in my stomach. Gordon: Should I call an exterminator? (Sapphire cracks up.) Sapphire: That's a good one. We should use that someday. You make good jokes, Gordy. (Cooler enters.) Cooler: Yo, Sapphy and Gordy, you're on in five minutes. Good luck in your new episode today. Sapphire: Thanks, Cooler. You ready, Gordy? Gordon: Ready, Sapphire. (5 minutes later, Sapphire and Gordon are sitting on stage as the audience applauds.) Gordon: Welcome to today's episode of the Gordon Kirby and Sapphire Trueblood Show. I'm Gordon Kirby... Sapphire: And I'm Sapphire Trueblood. So, Gordy, what are we going to do today? Gordon: We're reviewing the Top 10 Greatest Theme Songs. Sapphire: Before we get started, are there any singers in the audience? (A few show hands. Cooler, Bright Eyes, Nose Marie, Janice, TJ, Tony, Colette, Dumbo, Badges, Elaine, Gloomy, Rosy, and Susanoo enter the stage.) Sapphire: Joining with us to sing the songs are Cooler, Nose Marie, Bright Eyes, Colette, Badges, Janice, TJ, Tony, Dumbo, Elaine, Gloomy, Rosy, and Susanoo. So, Gordy, what's number 10? Gordon: Number 10 is Adolescent Mutated Samurai Reptiles. Let's hear a sample from TJ, Tony, Dumbo, and Susanoo. Dumbo: (Singing) Who are the coolest lizards in town? TJ, Tony, and Susanoo: (Singing) Adolescent Mutated Samurai Reptiles! TJ: (Singing) Who beats the biggest baddies down? Tony, Dumbo and Susanoo: (Singing) Adolescent Mutated Samurai Reptiles! Tony: (Singing in a higher, louder tone) They're the skate-boarding, weapon-wielding, macaroni munching heroes from the jungle to Chicago! Susanoo: (Singing) Who are the greatest reptilian warriors you've ever seen? Well... All four: You know! (Singing) Adolescent Mutated Samurai Reptiles! (The audience cheers.) Sapphire: Awesome! The song is pretty upbeat and exciting. How about you, Gordy? Gordon: Very good. Number 9: Detective Gizmo. This song has only four words, but to be fair, it's pretty darn catchy. Sapphire: Take it away, guys! (Cooler and his group hum to the song except where they sing "Detective Gizmo" or "Ride, Gizmo, Ride" until the end. Everyone applauds.) Sapphire: Cool! What's number 8, Gordon? Gordon: Number 8, Shapeshifters. Sapphire: I've heard that the song consists of a few words, but at least the melody makes up for it. TJ and Dumbo: (Singing) Shapeshifters, machines in camouflage. Cooler and Tony: (Singing) Shapeshifters, they ain't no mirage. (The audience cheers.) Gordon: So, Sapphire, what's number 7? Gordon: Well, it's an interesting one. It's actually from a movie. Number Seven: The Bandit Ballad from Puppet's Glory Island. Sapphire: Oh, I love that song! Let's hear a sample. (The male singers hum a few bars until Tony starts singing.) Tony: (Singing) We are the bandits who will rob you whole. All male singers: (Singing) Oh ho ho ho! Dumbo: (Singing) We are the ones who have no soul. All male singers: (Singing) Oh ho ho ho! Susanoo: (Singing) We're the kind of guys who will you blind. For we're not nice nor very kind. TJ: (Singing in a lower tone) We're the lowest of the low here on Glory Isle and we can smell treasure for more than a mile. Gloomy: (Singing) We don't drink tea nor we take a bath. All male singers: (Singing) Oh ho ho ho. Badges: (Singing) And some of us are not very good at math. All male singers: (Singing) Oh ho ho ho! (The audience cheers.) Sapphire: Sweet! What's up next, Gordon? Gordon: Number Six: Bad Dogs. All singers: (Singing) Bad Dogs, bad dogs, what will you do? What will you do when they capture you? Bad dogs, bad dogs, what will you do? What will you do when they capture you? Badges: (Singing) The Pound ain't going easy on you. The catcher ain't going easy on you. Oh, your owners ain't going easy on you. Even your puppies ain't going easy on you. All singers: (Singing) Bad Dogs, bad dogs, what will you do? What will you do when they capture you? Bad Dogs, bad dogs, what will you do? What will you do when they capture you? (The audience cheers.) Badges: And mind you, this is one of my favorite songs. Gordon: Well, coming from someone like you, we'd expect it. Number Five: Captain Canine Squad Series. This is where the phrase "Doggy up!" came from. Sapphire: And this was composed by Captain Canine and the Puppy Cadets. Let's hear a sample. TJ: Seven... Bright Eyes: Six... Cooler: Five... Rosy: Four... Gloomy: Three... Elaine: Two... Badges: One... All seven: Doggy up! (Singing) We are seven canine crusaders! Battling evil invaders! When we sense even a hint of trouble, we'll be there on the double! TJ: Tandy! Badges: G-Boy! Rosy: Gwen! Gloomy: Glen! Elaine: Dana! Bright Eyes: Judy! Cooler: Captain Canine! All seven: (Singing) This is the tale that may rather be odd, but we are the wonderful, powerful Captain Canine Squad! (The audience cheers.) Gordon: What do you think, Sapphire? Sapphire: It's great. What's next? Gordon: Number Four: The Beagle Bunch. Cooler, Gloomy, Susanoo, Badges, TJ, Dumbo, and Tony: (Singing) This is the tale of a beagle puppy, who was brought up by his adoring mother. The puppy has ears of brown and a long tongue like no other. Rosy, Elaine, Nose Marie, and Bright Eyes: (Singing) This is the tale of a caring family. Mother, father, and five kids that they raise. Seven people living in one house, but they have boring days. All singers: (Singing) That was until they meet the beagle and her puppy and now, they have little hunch that they should all be big happy family and that's how they became the Beagle Bunch. The Beagle Bunch, the Beagle Bunch, that is how they became the Beagle Bunch. (The audience cheers.) Gordon: Very nice. Next number. Sapphire: Here's a good one. Number three is... (Drum roll) Sapphire: Flannigan's Isle. All male singers: (Singing) Come gather round my friends and you'll hear a tale of a faithful cruise, where ten passengers are in for a ride with nothing else to lose. Susanoo: (Singing) The cabin boy was a fearless man. Dumbo: (Singing) And so was his brother, Skip. All male singers: (Singing) All the people have sailed off for a five-hour trip. The storm was going fierce and then the ship was turned and tossed. If it weren't for those brave cabin boys, their ship would be lost. On an island in the middle of the Pacific, you'll find ten modern Crusoes like Flannigan, his brother Skip, the socialite and her son, the vegetarian, the biologist, and Peggy Sue, here on Flannigan's Isle! (The audience cheers.) Sapphire: Very good! What do we have for number 2, Gordy? Gordon: Number 2: the Kennel Canines theme song. While Kennel Canines and the Myth of Big Foot is a terrible movie, at least the TV show is good, clean, family fun. All singers: (Singing) We're the Kennel Canines, loyal and true blue. Puppies, fish, and kittens, all just for you. For all animals in shapes and kinds, there's lots of homes we will find. We're the Kennel Canines, a happy, friendly crew. (The audience cheers.) Sapphire: And last but no least, the Number 1 greatest theme song is "As Someday it may happened". Gloomy: (Singing) As someday it may happened that a victim must be found, I've got a little list. I've got a little list of society offenders who might well be underground and who never would be missed, who never would be missed. There's the pestilential nuisances who call you every day and annoy you very much that you would wish they go away. (The audience laughs.) Gloomy: (Singing) All children who are up in dates and floor you with them flat, all people who in shaking hands shake hands with you like that. And that person who can't take a joke, but I think you get the jist, they none of them be missed. They none of them be missed. Rest of the singers: (Singing) He's got them on the list. He's got them on the list and they none of them be missed, they'll none of them be missed. Gloomy: (Singing) There's the pop song serenader and the others of his race and the country guitarist, I've got him on the list. (The audience laughs.) Gloomy: (Singing) And the people who eat garlic and then puff them in your face… (The audience laughs hysterically.) Gloomy: (Singing) They none of them be missed, they none of them be missed. And the idiot who praises with enthusiastic tone for centuries but this and every country but his own. The lady from the provinces who dresses like a guy, who doesn't think she dances but would rather like to try. And that singular anomaly, the scorching bicyclist, I don't think she'd be missed, I'm sure she won't be missed. Rest of the Singers: (Singing) He's got her on the list, he's got them on the list and we don't think she'd be missed, we're sure she won't be missed. Gloomy: (Singing) There's the corporate fat cat who's a greedy, lying jerk and the conducting orchestrist, I've got them on the list. All Hollywood directors who think bad movies will work, they none of them be missed. They none of them be missed. And apologetic statements of a compromising kind, such as "What you'd call him?", "Thingamabob", and "Likewise". Oh, and "Never mind." And "Tsk, tsk, tsk", "what's his name" and also, "you know who!", the task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you. So, it really doesn't matter if you put upon the list for they none of them be missed. They none of them be missed. Rest of the Singers: (Singing) You may put them on the list, you may put them on the list and they none of them be missed. They'll none of them be missed. (The audience cheers as the Singers bow.) Sapphire: And those are the Top 10 Greatest Theme songs. Gordon: Hey, Sapphire, why couldn't the songs from Captain Canine faces the Music Monster be as good as these? Sapphire: Because the songs in Captain Canine Faces the Music Monster had no thought put into it. Give a cheer one more time for these wonderful singers! Gordon: Yeah. And don't forget to tune in tomorrow for our next list, the Top 10 Weirdest Movies. (All bow as the audience cheers.) Part Two Sapphire: Hello. I'm Sapphire here with Gordon. Gordon: And today, we're bringing you the top 10 strangest, nuttiest and most wackiest flicks that ever came out of cinema history. Sapphire: And to reenact scenes from those movies are the Minks, Shakespeare, Starburst, Cooler, Catgut, Michelle, Jayden, Debra, and Tori. (Shakespeare, Starburst, Cooler, Catgut, Michelle, Jayden, Debra, Tori and the Minks bow as the audience applauds.) Sapphire: So, what's number 10? Gordon: Number 10: We're here: An Alien's Story. Sapphire: What's the movie about, Gordy? Gordon: Aliens. (The audience laughs.) Sapphire: Well, I knew that. But, is there anything freaky besides the fact that the movie had aliens? Gordon: Well... allow Starburst to demonstrate. (Starburst blows on her thumb and makes a balloon shaped like a radish appear.) Sapphire: (Shocked) What?! Radish?! What?! I don't care what la-la land the writers were in. You cannot blow into your thumb and make a radish. How'd they even come to that? What else is there? Gordon: Well, the aliens are taken into a teleportation machine by a scientist and his talking rhinoceros named Rico. Oh, and he's also voiced by Jim Collie. Shakespeare: (Impersonating Jim Collie) I am Dr. Presto, the inventor of this teleportation machine. I made this machine to help make children's dreams come true. Sapphire: Teleport them to where? The land of milk and dog treats? Shakespeare: (Impersonating Jim Collie) Oh and please beware of my older brother. He's criminally insane. Sapphire: (Sarcastically) Oh, gee, I wonder why? Gordon: Since much of the film is filler, we'll skip to the part where the aliens encounter Dr.Presto's brother, Zilch. Catgut: (Impersonating Zilch) Welcome to my circus. Here, I have Stupid Juice. What does it do, you might ask? It will lower your IQ. Gordon: You know, with that stuff, all the kids in the world would be too dumb to teach, so there'd be no school. Sapphire: The aliens, however, were too smart for Zilch and foiled his plan to take them in for his circus. Them, this happens... Catgut: (Impersonating Zilch) No! Please! Don't leave me alone! The vultures! They'll come to... (Catgut emits a gasp and pretends to faint on stage. Debra takes a paper bird and puts it on Catgut.) Sapphire: That scene gave me nightmares. What's the ninth weirdest movie, Gordon? Gordon: Number 9 is Remix the Tiger the movie. Sapphire: Personally, I hate Remix the Tiger the movie. Gordy, tell the lovely audience why I hate Remix the Tiger the movie. Gordon: Well, first of all, there are no likeable characters in the movie. Second of all, everything is random. Third, the main hero is a sadist. (All except Sapphire and Gordon gasp in shock.) Sapphire: You heard that right, ladies, gentlemen, puppies, kittens, and Minks. Remix the Tiger is a sick freak. Gordon: Number 8: Halloween is Grump Night. Sapphire: Since this is a Halloween special, it's perfect for this program. All the villagers are afraid of the Grump coming down from his mountain lair and into the neighborhood. So it's up to a little girl named Alexandra to stand up to the Grump and try to stall him. Gordon: Why is he coming to town? Because the full moon is changing colors. Why's everyone afraid of him? Because...he's the Grump, I guess. Sapphire: So, there's fault number 1: it makes no sense. Fault number 2: sloppy animation. Fault number 3: uninteresting characters. Fault number 4: a narrator. Gordon: Unlike the narrator from Captain Canine faces the Music Monster, who has an annoying, high-pitched voice and hyperactivity, this narrator is dull and boring. But like the other narrator, he never shuts up. Shakespeare: (In a dull voice) Alexandra said... Starburst: (As Alexandra) Grandpa Isaiah? Shakespeare: (Narrator) And Grandpa Isaiah said... Jayden: (As Grandpa Isaiah) Yes, Alexandra? Shakespeare: And Alexandra said... Starburst: Call the Grump Alarm Building. Shakespeare: And Grandpa Isaiah said... Jayden: Excellent proposal. Shakespeare: And Alexandra said... Sapphire: ENOUGH! And cheer up. Shakespeare: (Turning to Sapphire with a scowl) You don't have to yell. Gordon: But, it really gets cool when the Grump opens up the Wagon of Woe and Alexandra encounters her worst fears as all the monsters inside sing this really cool song. (Starburst impersonates Alexandra as the others get into a circle and spook her while singing.) Sapphire: I'll admit, while this is pretty scary, it has a pretty good song. Don't you think so, Gordy? Gordon: Sure does. Next. Number 7: Plushie Pam and Peter: a Musical Odyssey. Sapphire: Now, we know what you're thinking. How can a movie based on a pretty little doll be weird? Well, just watch some of it. (Just as they were about to show the footage…) Antonio: No! Don't! Please! (Everyone turns to Antonio, who has a scared look on his face.) Gordon: Um… May we have Antonio come up on stage please? (Antonio goes up on stage.) Gordon: So, tell us, Antonio. Why don't you want me and Sapphire to show scenes from Plushie Pam and Peter: A Musical Odyssey? Antonio: Well, you see, when I was a puppy, I saw this movie on DVD. What do I think of it? It's scary. The nonsensical imagery, the weird characters, the forgettable songs, tons of jump scares, and it caused me to have Pediophobia, which is a fear against dolls. I think the strangest parts are about a gooey thing called the Hoarder and this tiny character's head growing whenever he laughs. And mind you, that is one of my phobias. However, I gotta admit, even though it wasn't really a good movie, it was panned by critics and it was a huge flop at the box-office, it was certainly creative. Sapphire: Well, thank you, Antonio, for your opinion on the movie. (Antonio goes back to his seat.) Sapphire: What's number six, Gordy? Gordon: Number 6: The Loofabill Ovalshirt Movie. Sapphire: Now, this is pretty odd movie based on the Loofabill Ovalshirt TV show. Gordon: And the characters are annoying as ever. Sapphire: Not only are the characters as annoying as their TV series counterparts, but there are also weird stuff such as the two heroes getting... ahem... you know what after eating cotton candy, weird, crazy monsters, one of the characters flying without clothes on… (All go "Ew, Yuck!") Sapphire: And a pointless cameo appearance by Dave Hackinkoff. Seriously? Do we really need Dave Hackinkoff in there? Gordon: While the movie had a good plot and a great ending song, the rest is just craziness. Sapphire: Number 5: The Rat in the Frat. Gordon: Now that has got to be the most disturbing movie I have ever seen. I used to nightmeres about a giant rat chasing me because of that movie. Whoever came up with an idea of making a live action film adapted from the book by Dr. Groose is nuttier than a squirrel. Sapphire: Not to mention the fact that the make-up on Mutt Myers makes me physically sick to my stomach. And do you want to know what else is crazy? The fact that this movie can get away with putting Colossal Studios in this movie. Who's going to figure that reference? Nobody! Gordon: Yeah, worse than the live action adaption of How the Finch Stole Easter. Is everybody ready for number 4? Audience: Yeah. Gordon: Number 4: The Falcon and the Firestone. Sapphire: Now we know what you're thinking, how weird is the Falcon and the Firestone? Well, the acting isn't bad, but the animation is sloppy and the plot is all been there-done that. Not to mention that there have been some weird moments in this movie. Gordon: Like the narrator. Yes, this movie has a narrator, too. But this one sounds like he hasn't slept in weeks. Sapphire: Talk about insomnia. For number 3, John and the Giant Plum. Gordon: Oh no! Not another movie with a narrator in it! Sapphire: This narrator has given the weirdest explanation of how John's parents died. Smokey: (In his British voice, impersonating the narrator) It was until an angry giraffe appeared out of nowhere and devoured John's poor parents. (Sapphire and Gordon exchange shocked looks at each other.) Sapphire and Gordon: WHAT?! Sapphire: Since when did a giraffe eat people?! Okay, there has to be an explanation behind this. My guess is that John's parents were assassinated by his evil god-parents and that the narrator was bribed to make up the story of John's parents getting eaten by a giraffe. That would make sense, don't you think? Gordon: I think so. Later, John is given a potion that this weirdo says can make his life better. But what is it made from exactly? Smokey: (In his hillbilly accent) 100 dung beetles boiled in the lava of Mt. St. Helens for two weeks. Then add the tail of a gecko, the feathers of a flamingo, the quills of a porcupine, the legs of a tarantula and a cup of salt. Gordon and Sapphire(singing): And a lost lunch in a pear tree. (To each other) YUCK! Gordon: After John accidentally spills the potion, the plum grows to the size of a house. Curious, he goes inside plum and encounters a rag-tag group of butterflies. Sapphire: And they all want to go where John wants to go. The rest of the film is random filler. Gordon: Now, to be fair, I'll give this film some artistic points, but it's shame the weird death ans other random stuff ruined it. Now, let's go into number 2. Sapphire: For number 2, we have "The Vision before New Year's". Gordon: This movie is directed by the well-known Kim Burlin. This is a pretty cool and creative film, but the opening is what gives it the spot on this list. Every other second, something is flying at you. Sapphire: But despite the weird beginning, at least the rest of film can and will always be enjoyable to watch. Now, we are down to the last film. Could this be the one movie that defies reality as we know it? Gordon: And the weirdest film of all time goes to... Any of the Ned movies. And mind you, this features same guy who played the narrator from Captain Canine Faces the Music Monster. So no wonder it's weird. Sapphire: The Three Ned movies star Nicholas Shawshank, who played the always irritating, high-pitched Ned Jugglejorn, the same internet idiot from Metube. Let me give you reasons why I hate these movies. One, the stories are too bizarre to comprehend. Two, nobody is likeable. Finally, Ned Jugglejorn is very annoying, stupid, and he would not SHUT UP! I mean, if I ever meet this character, I'd kick him right in the... (Everyone else gasps.) Gordon: Sapphire, watch your language! Sapphire: Oh, sorry. Anyway, if this doesn't define weird, I don't know what does. Gordon: And those are the Top 10 Weirdest Movies of All Time. Next week, Captain Canine is going to guest star for Top 10 Dumbest Moments in the history of Captain Canine's career. Part Three Gordon: OK, everyone, it's time to list the Top 10 Dumbest Moments in the history of Captain Canine's career. Sapphire: And with us to look at the top ten stupidest moments are Captain Canine and the Puppy Cadets. (Captain Canine and the Puppy Cadets enter.) Captain Canine: It's a pleasure to be here. Gordon: Number 10: One of Dana's lines from A Little But of the Top. A dog named Dr. Baldy is trying to steal the hair from all the dogs in the world. So while the heroes are discussing what their strategy is, Dana says this. Dana: We could shave him. (Gordon and Sapphire share confused looks.) Gordon and Sapphire: What? Gordon: Now, we know that Dana's not very bright, but is she blind, too? Dr. Baldy is a hairless dog! He has no hair! Dana: Hey! Don't look at me! It's not like I wrote that stupid line. Gordon: Well, now to be fair I do think the line was supposed to add some irony and a it of humor to the episode, but it just didn't. Dana: Now I feel embarrassed to say that line. Sapphire: Oh, don't worry, Dana, the writers just had a bad idea. Next number. Gordon: Number 9: A scene from The Black Dungeon. Glen and Gwen are trapped in a cage and a trapdoor is slowly opening up from under them. First of all: are you seriously telling me you cannot squeeze through those bars? You could drive an bulldozer through those huge gaps. Gwen: Well, technically, that was my original idea, but the director told me that squeezing the bars would be too simplistic. So, blame the director, not me or Glen. Right, Glen? (Glen nods.) Gordon: Oh, well, then that's kind of understandable. But here's the second thing: when the Captain lets them out, the cage's door WASN'T EVEN LOCKED! Captain Canine: Again, blame the director for not putting the lock on the cage, not us. Sapphire: Okay, let's get down to number 8. Tandy and Dana's embarrassing date in Love is in Kildare. So, Tandy and Dana went on a date at Kildare's seafood restaurant. Gordon: And boy was it not only dumb, it was... Gordon and Sapphire: (Singsong) Awkward. Tandy: Well, my date would have been romantic if that director didn't tell Dana to eat her food with her toes. Dana: Why does the director always make me do stupid things? It's embarrassing. Gordon: And now, we have number 7, Captain Canine forgetting to wear his belt in A Step in Time. What can be more embarrassing for the dog crusader? Category:Fan Fiction Category:Fan made episodes Category:What If's Category:Fan made episodes starring Gordon Category:Fan made episodes without an antagonist Category:Fan made episodes starring Sapphire